From Pain to Possibility: My Spring Awakening
I can’t tell you how happy I am right now. The joy of being (almost) back to full health after over a year of pain and suffering is indescribable. As the daffodils push through the earth, the sun shines a little brighter, and the birds sing ever louder, I feel as though I, too, am defrosting—coming back to life. I’ve never felt so grateful, even for the tiniest things.
Imagine not being able to do much for an entire year, only to find yourself stepping into a fresh one, reclaiming everything you once lost. It’s a strange blessing—it really is. Take this morning, for example. I walked out, in no pain. I strolled through town, soaking in the dazzling blue sky and smiling at strangers. It’s incredible how far I’ve come.
And today is Pancake Day—one of my favourite days of the year. In 2024, I was on strong meds, barely sleeping, and spending most of my time on the floor, dealing with the most unimaginable pain. I managed a weak flip of a pancake but couldn’t really enjoy the occasion. The year ahead felt uncertain, frightening. I prayed I’d be one of the lucky ones who recovered in 12 weeks. But that wasn’t to be.
So, to wander out into the spring sunshine today in search of plain flour and chocolate sauce? Heaven on earth. I couldn’t have been happier. Even better, we’re skipping lunch and finishing work early. Pancakes, here we come!
But today represents more than just an annual treat—it’s a milestone. I am healing. I’m back in the gym, lifting heavy weights and dangling from bars (current record: 70 seconds). I’m walking everywhere with ease. So far in 2025, I’ve walked 780,000 steps—well on track to smash last year’s total of 3.6 million.
Soon, I’ll be enjoying my first holiday abroad since summer 2023. Planning what to pack has been a joy—diving into a wardrobe I spent most of last year avoiding. I’ve even been trying on outfits—something that felt impossible just four months ago.
Even work is fun again. And I’ve started a new side project, The Films That Ruined Us. Watching the movies I love has been wholesome and nostalgic all at once.
It truly feels like I’m waking up and finding myself again.
What’s been most surprising, though, is realising just how much I’d lost along the way. Music, literature, fashion, cooking—all of it had become meaningless. When you’re in constant pain, life becomes about survival. But now, with pain no longer dominating my every moment, I can focus on living again. I’m discovering new music, devouring books, and redefining my style.
Even the smallest things feel significant. Sitting at my dressing table, doing my hair and makeup—without pain—feels like a luxury. I catch myself in the mirror, and I’m always smiling. I’ve even been watching YouTube tutorials to shake up a four-decade routine of eyeshadow techniques and learning how to “lock in moisture” for better hair days.
It might sound trivial in the grand scheme of things. But when your life has been stripped from you—when you’ve spent months on the floor in tears, your skin a mess, pain dictating your every move—you realise how much your confidence, pride, and sense of self are tied to how you feel. Part of that is how you present yourself to the world.
Essentially, I feel like I’ve been given a second chance. I’ve always loved making an effort with my appearance. I enjoy feeling polished and put together. And now, after everything I’ve been through, it’s even more fun choosing an outfit each day.
Because this time, I get to choose me.
The rest of 2025 will continue to bring joy. There will be lots of “firsts” again, that’s for sure. And you can be certain I will face each new day with a mixture of gratitude and wonder.